Today commemorates the first anniversary since Babe died. Margaret takes her place at my side, a veteran of one year as a service dog. Tonight, we are remembering Babe as we look at a giant moon on the horizon, closest than it’s been for nearly 20 years.
There is a tradition among Native American people that one does not speak of the dead in the first year. After that time, their names are voiced aloud, together with those who have gone before. These are moments where grief meets praise. In the Spring those who once walked the earth are acknowledged in their spirit form and through the bonds that connect all things, they intervene. It is said our ancestors encourage the rains to come, and the plants to grow. When a voice from the people resonates with the Great Unseen we become a channel for healing and unity.
I can’t imagine a more significant time on this planet, when we all might cease our distractions, and speak in one voice to honor the dead, pray for living, and all that are suffering intolerable conditions with restraint and courage. Stop for a moment and in our hearts reaffirm our deep connectedness. Open ourselves to grief and praise, sacrifice a clock tic of our good fortune, honoring the still small voice within that guides us on a different path.
I have a story to tell you.
Long before Babe got cancer, before the many struggles that looking back, seemed impossible to endure, we attended a ceremony lead by Martin’ Prechtel. Babe was recovering from an operation. Border collies are so energetic, they can blow out their own kneecaps in a single leap. I made such a big deal over this thing. The Bionic Leg, as we referred to it. A titanium reinforced right hip and knee built to last a lifetime. God if I only knew.
So Babe’s bionic leg was on the mend, and I had brought her to be in ceremony with Martin’ Prechtel. It’s unusual for dogs to be included in ceremony. I don’t remember what I told Martin’; only that he gave the ok after meeting Babe eye to eye. Unlike her human companion, she knew when to keep her mouth shut, and where to draw the line.
If you have ever been in ceremony with Martin’ Prechtel, you know it’s going to be a long haul. We were given a list of materials to bring. A young sapling, flowers, some willow for weaving, beeswax, turquoise, shells, cornmeal, red cloth, string, a pocket knife, a blanket, and “happy” water (Not from the grocery outlet). We sang and prayed and danced and prayed and stood and prayed. We learned how to make prayer ties and other offerings. Through all of this we were told stories. We learned about the meaning behind them, but more, Martin’ unwound his story of personal holocaust. The story of what happened when his village in Guatemala was attacked, how he crawled under once lush jungle as the bullets flew. Many he had come to know as family were slaughtered. The women, the children, the elders, even the chickens. The dogs. “There is a smell you never forget, a mist that smells like rusted rain. The blood of the dying and the dead.” Martin returned to New Mexico for a time, unable to communicate with anyone through his bitterness and grief. He was the only one left to carry on spiritual teachings of his mentor, the village shaman. Sounds woke him in the night, visions plagued him, the faces, the singing. He was being called and he had to choose. Martin’ found a way to transform his hatred, his unspeakable grief. His people had a ritual for this too. A ceremony honoring the departed, and this was what he had been teaching us.
So here we were dancing and praying and standing and listening, making prayer ties filled with cornmeal hour after hour. It goes on for days. “For you life is easy, you just go out and buy food, you go to the nursery and get yourself a potted plant. We grew everything, and nothing was consumed without honoring that plant or animal for sustaining us.” He spoke of grief and praise; that they are two sides of the same coin, that you cannot authentically have one without the other. Grief and praise genuinely felt are not about you, but the way you experience connection to others even though they may be unseen.
There were some two or three hundred of us packed into a gymnasium set against Forest Park. By now we had constructed a large cradle on which the shape of a simple house had been built from willow. On it had been woven flowers so that the walls floor and roof were covered in a thousand varieties of orchid, rose, and most of all, our local Rhododendron which comes in so many scents and colors it’s dizzying. We had constructed a Flowering Mountain.
Martin was praying, making his blessings honoring the ancestors, then suddenly grew quiet. The room fell silent as people tried to hear. Was it the beginning of another story? We were asked to lie on our blankets and let one cover the other like a cadaver, completely enclosed. This took some time until everyone had been entombed. We were as the dead. Silence but for the lightest of rains.
Babe really got into it. She actually saw this as my spiritual death, and while I lay covered with red and blue cloth she crawled up to my body, her paws vibrating, and nuzzled under the covers to reach my hand to see if I was still warm.
Then Martin shouted, “Jump up! Jump up and live again!” Babe leaped from my side and barked. “Jump up and Live again!” We were all confused at first.
“Jump up and live again!”
BARK!
“Jump up and live again!”
BARK!
Babe followed Martin’ into the center of the great room and danced. He was ecstatic. “See, the dog understands! WAKE YOURSELVES! Jump UP and Live Again!” Babe showing her most excellent teeth, raised up on her hind legs with each bark. “Do you understand? Live again. Live again!”
Bark. BARK!
Some people laughed. Others cried.
And then Babe made a leap for my right butt cheek and bit me! Later someone said, “Hey. That’s what Mamma dogs do when they have a pup that isn’t fully alive. They’ll bite on the hind end to get it to take a breath.”
Babe barked so joyously that day. She knew when to take a stand. That was the extraordinary soul she was. She got it. She got suffering; she got compassion, the power of being present and being part of.
The ceremony was over. We were exhausted, we were hoarse. I looked around and saw people who had entered this room with slumped shoulders and soft mushy voices, slightly unsure in the correctness of their words. They all seemed taller now, more dignified, more clear. Was I taller too?
The Flowering Mountain was carried out as we returned to the many places we had traveled from. This house of flowers, the labor of days by three hundred souls would be taken to a remote place, some place deep in wilderness and left to decay. A place you might come upon and be unaware, save for the strange sense that Others are watching, an extraordinary hue in the grasses there. Put your ear to the ground. You might hear voices.
So tonight Margaret and I are Remembering Babe and looking at the full moon. I go inside and flop on the couch like and old fart, to watch TV. A repeating ticker tape of floating houses and tsunami flotsam; exploding this and exploding that. Goliath ships where they don’t belong, cracked earth and radioactive spinach.
I watch the TV framed by portraits of Babe. I grumble something under my breath. Margaret bounds into the living room, nibbles at the threads of my sweater and barks. Was it something I said?
Today I understand grief and praise in a different way. It’s deeply physical. The heart is tempered yet made stronger much as steel is tempered under heat and pounding and cold. I understand why it’s important to honor the dead, whose presence we struggle to make sense of as we distinguish what is palpable versus what we wish were so. There are no direct answers. The question of life after life, of missing what you believed was that person or entity. You may find that in your grief you are walling off your heart to anything new. We wish to extinguish the struggle, the pain and discomfort and so become locked inside ourselves. But life embraces it all. The power of ceremony comes from a singular process. We are asked to go outside of self. We are asked attend to our deep relatedness to one another, to all things, everywhere.
Margaret has brought me a stuffed goose. She thrusts him onto my lap and his honker bleats. Mister Goose is one of many possessions Babe passed on while she was still alive. His tail feathers are gone and he is missing an eye. Margaret rests her long nose on my knee and sighs. When this doesn’t work she climbs onto the couch, stands over me with that huge mane of hers, shakes it furiously and barks.
Jump up and live again!
Jump up. And live again.
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